Apologies

I know.....I know.....I realized that I had said that I would be posting and updating every week. But I have a been busy with home work, watching football, and playing video games. Because that is what the average 22 year old male does during the wonderful fall time (yes Sar I should have been exercising). Anyways Sar and I went on a weekend getaway to Logan to visit our friends Austin & Kodie. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN! but that is beside the point. I feel like I probably should have prefaced this story a little more. You see Austin is one of my best friends and he married Kodie and she became a member of the proverbial "wolf pack" if  you will. And Sar and I were a little nervous to go up there and intrude on Kodie's turf, because we didn't know if she would like us (funny story about that for later). Austin and I have, what I feel to be your typical best friend relationship you know the type where people around you probably think you guys hate each other because of how much crap you talk about each other Trust me this will all make sense as I complete the story.

The reason I am posting this on my weight-loss blog is because there were many times right before we left and when we were in Logan that it just really hit me. This is the story

So the day Sar and I were going to head up, we were watching this show on MTV called "I Used to Be Fat" as we packed. It was an episode where a young man started the summer weighing 315lbs. and over the course of the summer he got a personal trainer/dietitian and by the end of the 3 months he was down to like 187lbs. Now that is motivational in itself, but after the kid steps on the scale for the last time he gets really emotional and he hugs his dad and they are both crying and his dad tells him how proud of him he was and how he knew he could do it. This made me cry, which I had to shield from the bear. It wasn't just because it was an emotional scene, but because I started to wonder if maybe my dad was really concerned or disappointed about my weight and how I have let myself go. Throughout my life I know I have not lived up to my potential in many areas, with my weight being the main one. And there are somethings that I know my dad is disappointed in, its not the bad kind of disappointment, but the kind of disappointment someone has when they know they other persons potential of what could have been and what still can be. I also know that my dad is very proud of me and all of the other things I have accomplished. It's just.... I don't know but when I saw that scene it just made me want to have that same kind of celebration with my Dad, just to kind of make up for all the things I could have done growing up, but didn't.

Well anyway Sar and I got packed and made the trip up to Logan, which was not bad at all, We got there and Austin was at a football meeting so we just went to their house to hang out with Kodie, we chit chatted about different stuff and then we went to pick up Austin. We got back to the house and I told Austin I wouldn't be able to go to his game the3 next day because I own ZERO blue crap. So he went and grabbed this laundry basket from where he had just cleaned out his locker and started going through it. Saying things like "won't fit", and "too small" as he would toss them back into the basket. Finally he came to a couple of shirts that he said were really nice, he looked at the tag and said "Oh, they're both larges, that would never work." Now he didn't mean anything rude by it or anything, because ever since Austin and I had grown from elementary school and on together he knew I was big. So he wasn't taking a slight at me or anything he just new that his friend Fish didn't wear a size Large. Here's the thing though, I am 5' 11" (shut up Jake I am) so I should weight around 155-200 lbs. So a size LG shirt should fit me, I should be able to borrow his or any of my friends clothes. We moved on and I found a shirt to wear, all was well.

That night they suggested that we should go over to Kodie's dads house to sit in his hot tub. I have never had a problem with this at all, My parents have a hot tub and Sar and I go sit in it frequently. So we drove over got in the hot tub everything was going good. And then I looked around. At Sar, then at Kodie, then at Austin. They are all very fit, and very attractive people. I looked at myself and all of my blubberiness, and I was disgusted. Why can't I be a normal person, that looks good with his shirt off? Well I can and that is the point of this blog right. I turned the hot tub light off and stopped thinking about it. We went home and went to sleep.

The next day was Austin's game which he was able to snag me a sideline pass for. The players were gigantic, which made it hard to see the game over them, but they had these benches back behind the players, and some people were standing on the benches to get a better view of the field. So I stood on the bench for probably a good quarter of the game. Austin and a few of the other Receivers came over and sat on that bench and they were talking. I was standing on the spot right next to Austin and there was no one on the other side of me, When one of the players came over and said "can I sit here big fella?" I of course moved because he was super nice and it's his team and I have no right to be on the bench if a player on the team needs to sit down. Then it hit me! Big Fella? this is a man who plays division 1 college football! lining up next to some of the biggest people on the planet, and he was calling me big fella? He of course meant no offense by his comment, I laughed a little and continued to watch the game. The game ended we went out to eat saw a movie and headed to bed.

The next day was Sunday. We all slept in woke up and watched some football, headed to Wingers for some nummy lunch, and then went back to the house for an afternoon nap. I couldn't sleep so I went on a little drive. I went back as Austin was heading out to one of his football meetings so I went in and lounged watching some Nightmare Before Christmas (so good). Austin came home and we went outside to toss the pigskin. All the while we were talking about how sweet it would be if they came back to Provo so we could get a flag football team together, we were talking about all of our friends and what positions we would all play and I of course volunteered myself to play QB, Austin of course started to laugh, this is the only part that actually kind of offended me because I am a very good athlete and I can play QB. Part of the reason I want to lose weight is so I can play QB in our flag football league (and do well) Like everything else I shook it off and continued on with the night.

Everyone wanted treats, but Austin had homework he had to do, which was Sports medicine stuff that Sar is of course an expert at. So she volunteered to help him. So It was up to Kodie and myself to go to wal-mart to get the treats. We went and grabbed some good stuff and got in the car to head home. And that's when a thought popped in my head. "What do other girls think when they look at me?" Before we all blow a gasket here and start getting all huffy and puffy about how I'm married and I shouldn't care what other girls think about me blah blah blah. Let's just take a deep breath and calm down because I don't care what other girls think about me, only my Bear. I just wonder what they think when they see all 294lbs. of me. All through elementary and middle school I was the boy who was cute and so nice, but only as a good friend, which is nice people speak for your fat so I don't like you like you.

I know Sar says I am attractive, but I feel bad because I know it would be hard to be attracted to someone who is as overweight as I am ya know? I love her so much for always making me feel like I look good, when I know that that's probably not completely true.

All of these happenings have made me really decide how I am going to operate this blog. I will be posting daily weigh-ins, along with little run downs of the food I have taken in that day. I just came to the realization that updating a blog weekly sounds good at first, but It is WAY too easy to procrastinate on a weekly blog, so yes this will be a blog where I take a pic of myself shirtless (sorry) and also of the scale and what it reads every day. I think I will do it around bed time right after I have gotten all ready to sleep. So I will start that tonight, and every night from now on.

My weight situation has gotten out of hand and something has got to change..

Jordan